Man’s Last Performance

I had the opportunity to interview Maushmi regarding their latest Community Service Project in Houston. Below is a write-up on “Healing Sounds at the Houston Hospice”.

Every now and then we get the opportunity to bring comfort to others. On May 20th, a few friends got together at the Houston Hospice to play various musical instruments for the terminally ill patients.

This idea started many months ago. Maushmi, who coordinates this project on a monthly basis, was speaking to a nurse and they decided that they wanted to do something nice for the patients. Some of the patients are very sick, some are heavily sedated, and some are even in comas. Engaging in any physical activity was out of the question.

Maushmi discovered some research that mentioned how music can be a therapeutic enhancement to the healing process, soothing and comforting terminally ill patients. She decided to put this theory into action. She contacted a few friends and some co-workers and asked them to put their musical talents to use. Some brought instruments, some just their singing voices, and some only brought their hearts. It seems the love is still the most audible form of music known to exist.

The projects have become meaningful not only for the patients but also for the volunteers. Maushmi, and the rest of the gang in Houston, visit the Houston Hospice now on a monthly basis.

She recalls a story of the very first time they performed at the Hospice. They would go into the rooms of the patients on both floors of the building. Shimi, another volunteer, played the violin for a patient who it turns out did not have long to live. After Shimi’s performance they all proceeded downstairs to play for the residents on the first floor. As they entered the room of the next patient, a nurse approached them. She told the group that the person they had just performed for had just passed away. The man departed literally minutes after hearing the violin performance.

The relatives of the patient happened to be at the Hospice at that time. The daughter/niece of the man that passed away said that the violin performance was the most beautiful gift he could have received before his passing. Maushmi recalls that in that moment, she knew that what they were doing was the right thing.

The more you give, the more you receive. Maushmi who jokes that she has no musical talents gets to coordinate the activities instead. She says that she gets to go to different rooms and asks the patients if they would like to have a volunteer come and play music for them. One time Maushmi recalls that a patient actually asked to have her nails painted. Maushmi obliged. Maushmi mentioned that she feels so much peace from spending time with the patients. “Patients may be asleep but I just sit with them quietly”, says Maushmi.

The visits to the Houston Hospice are always a lot of fun! Sometimes they are also emotional and sad. This time, Maushmi had the opportunity to interact with a very healthy 103 year old patient.

“The nurse told me that she was refusing to eat and drink because she was ready to die. I was kind of sad. I usually never talk to patients about death, but this time I started the conversation by telling her that I was afraid of dying. She just laughed, she said there is nothing to be afraid of and I could tell that she really meant what she was saying.

I think about death a lot. I think I would be okay if I was dying, but wouldn’t know how to handle the death of others, say my family or friends. Volunteering at the hospice gives me a perspective on dying and on how to deal with the death of others.”

Maushmi coordinates community service projects on a regular basis in Houston. If you want to contact her, please email maushmi@bethecause.org.

Sukh

Kindness on Rodeo Drive

Five of us met at the corner of Santa Monica Blvd and Rodeo Drive in Beverly Hills. It was April’s Fools Day and we were to play the fool that day, giving away stuff for free to folks who think that nothing is free.

We decided that as we approached people on the streets, we would in fact approach our own fears and judgments. The goal was to penetrate through that fear, and to view the shoppers as our own brothers and sisters, so that instead of things, we would actually give a little piece of ourselves to them. … and hopefully that little piece of love would have a journey of its own.

Every time we were asked why we were doing this, we decided that we would give the honest answer that was true in that moment:
Sometimes we gave because we wished to ripple compassion out in the world.
Sometimes we gave because we wanted to face our own insecurities.
Sometimes we gave because we have received so much.
Sometimes we gave because it made sense.
Sometimes we gave because it made no sense at all.
Sometimes we give because it is the only choice we have.

- Sukh

Here is what other had to share about their experience:

From Srikanth Sridharan:
On April 1st, 2005 I had the pleasure of participating in somewhat of a social experiment with a group of compassionate individuals who share a common interest in serving others. It was a Saturday morning and the sun was out shining brightly as it usually does in Southern California. Preparing the food baskets, the feeling amongst us was that spreading compassion on Rodeo Drive was probably more of a daunting task than doing the same in a low-income downtown neighborhood. What would people say? How would they react to our shouts of “free candy!” and “random acts of kindness today!” Well, at least for the shoppers of Rodeo Drive it didn’t seem to be something that they would normally expect - an April Fool’s joke perhaps?

As Sukh and I made our way through the posh Beverly Hills locale, the reaction to our compassion was mixed at best. Many were quite polite in refusing, stating that they were on a diet and already had their fill of sugar for the morning. Some foreign tourists were quite terrified to say the least! We even had two bouncer types clad in navy-blue pinstriped suits politely pull us aside and order us to vacate the premises immediately. Interestingly enough, the job seemed to get easier as we veered off Rodeo, almost as if a huge barrier of fear had been lifted. Well, we did encounter quite a few strangers who were absolutely delighted that something like this could be happening in their neighborhood. How can I forget the writer from NY, who out of curiosity stopped to chat with us and then openly shared his views on war, helping others, and changing the world!

At the end of it all, Sukh and I were both curious to see how the girls had fared in their exploits. A social experiment within a social experiment! To no one’s surprise, they fared much better than we did. Well, through all our adventures it was a unique experience and the key was accepting the fact that even if we hadn’t always succeeded, the seed of compassion was planted in so many shoppers’ minds that morning. Maybe, just maybe they will pay it forward sometime.

From Manuri
I had a blast. I started off by meeting 2 wonderful BTCers for the first time. I was excited to give things away than ask for things. Later I realized that I am asking for something: a moment of their time to take a snack. Almost every other person we came across gave us that moment to show our kindness. I totally understood the ones who didn’t stop. I’ve been in their shoes many times.

Of course we had to use the word “free” a lot before anyone stop. Some were very skeptical. Some felt very uncomfortable to taking things for free. I realized how much people are use to living in a world of exchange of tangible items. So, some tried to force money on us. That’s when we pulled out the smile cards and said, “we are spreading smiles, it’s random acts of kindness day”. Then I saw a little relief and a smile. Some asked, “Come oooon…Really! Why?” I said what rolled out of my tongue at the moment “we are trying to show compassion, you think we can change the world with compassion?” It was amazing to hear and see the positive responses of people, a bow, invitations, donations (which we gracefully didn’t accept), stories of their experiences. The best thing was their genuine smile that came out so naturally. I think we pushed our limits by going up to security guards & cops.

Even though we crossed so many different people from all over the world, I didn’t see them any different than my own family. Not everyone’s personalities/moods are the same, some moody, some happy, some cranky, some just weird :). But I saw humanity in every single person. The difference was that some take a moment to express that side and some don’t. Those who do are the ones that make everyone’s day even more beautiful.

From Kristeen Singh
I definitely didn’t want to do the compassion cell on Rodeo Drive. I felt like we should give the cookies, candies, granola bars to those that really needed the food… Hmm, but then I began to realize that it was my fears and insecurities that were preventing me from giving on Rodeo Drive and I was looking for an excuse not to attend the compassion cell. But as I become open to showing generosity and to be giving without any expectation of anything in return, it was just amazing to see how inspired people were to be given to. It wasn’t even about the food, but about the act of love. We were selling the concept of giving…why? Because giving is really receiving. The greatest gift I have ever received is the one I gave away.

From Reshma Gajjar
I showed up to Rodeo Drive not really sure what to expect. I only looked forward to the comfort i knew i would find in the friends who would be joining me. We decided from a conversation at a coffeeshop that one of the obvious problems in this world is the lack of compassion. So we met up on Rodeo drive to hand out treats and offer people random acts of kindness. Why Rodeo drive? Well its not always about helping those in need…and then those who are already involved in service already get this mentality. Its about reachng out to others as a brother or sister to bring people together and hopefully the compassion would be contagious or planting a seed that would spawn thought. The reactions i got were very positive, of course there were people who rightfully assumed we were part of a business, group or need for a donation and walked a little faster by us. But the people that took time to wait just a little longer found that we wanted nothing but a smile. Overall, most were pleasantly suprised, a handful excited for the free snacks and then there were the few that thought what we were doing was wonderful and such a good idea.

Dancing with the Seniors

(Not inspired by Dancing with the Stars)
A Compassion Cell in Orange County on March 12th.

As I wrapped my arms around this woman of 81 years, I felt right at home. We swayed from side to side, not too fast as the workers of the Center had told me that her bones were fragile. She hadn’t danced for over 20 years, but she remembers that she used to love it. Her skin was soft and warm.

She recalls stories to me about how she used to go to all the parties and knew all the latest dance steps. Now, we just move from side to side. Her life is confined to the company of other elders at the senior center, and the workers we pay to take care of our parents.

Every now and then they get some entertainment. They play bingo weekly, go for walks, and because of some random occurrence, today a volunteer group dropped by with some ballroom music.

At first everyone was apprehensive, so we decided to let the music take over. It was like boys meeting girls. Everyone wondering who was going to make the first move. This time it was youth meets concealed youth, memory meets experience, action meets values, internal meets external.

As this 81 year old woman, who lost her husband a couple of years ago, wraps her arms around me, I know that in this one dance, we both are okay.

Just as things start to quiet down, Ben pulls out his Moroccan music and actually starts Belly Dancing. Watching an adult Moroccan male with a belly dancing skirt swing his hips is an experience that passes but only once in a lifetime. Ben endures through the embarrassment just to bring joy into the lives of a few ladies. Struck by his selflessness, we all take turns wearing the belly dancing skirt. Finally one of the oldest ladies in the center takes us up on the dance-off. She throws on the skirt and shows us that 90 year old hips can still shake.

Momentary pleasure as their journey continues to plough forward towards the unknown. … but for us, the memory will live a little longer.

Holy Bread

A Compassion Cell in Los Angeles on March 4th

Things just work out sometimes. On Saturday, we were serving lunch to 60 women at the Women’s Homeless Shelter in Los Angeles. On Friday, volunteers were coming over to prepare the lunches. On Wednesday, we had no idea where the supplies were coming from.

Wednesday afternoon, my good friend Nirali came over and asked about the supplies. Having no idea how it would work out, but knowing quite well that whatever needed to happen would happen, we decided to sit on it.

After sitting in silence for one hour we opened the front door and on the table outside we found 25 loafs of bread, just sitting there, waiting.

To this day, we do not know who left them. Not even the neighbors saw who had dropped them off.

What is powerful about this story is how the good intentions of this secret do-gooder have rippled out into so many people. I shared the bread story with another friend and she instantaneous asked me to come to her office. When I arrived she handed me a check for $100 saying that she wanted to be a part of this holy bread. Another friend said the bread had literally dropped from heaven
Hours later we were at a grocery store shopping for the remaining supplies and volunteers were literally fighting over the shopping bill.

I shared all of this with our tax accountant, and he too was baffled. He now considers us the anti-thesis of every organization he has ever come into contact with. Most organizations fight to keep money coming in. An anonymous gift of bread is forcing us to give more away.

The ripple effect of this one person’s generosity continues to expand every time this story is shared. I can’t imagine the goodness that this one person carried in their heart to have their one simple action touch so many people. It is impacting me again, as I am writing this.

Friday night came, we celebrated the bread and all the goodness that surrounded it. As we chopped up vegetables and sliced onions, there was joy in the room. The dance of receiving and giving overwhelmed us completely.

Saturday afternoon, we finally served lunch to the women of the shelter. They were grateful to have had a nutritious meal, we were grateful to have had the opportunity to serve. The magic of service became a part of us all.

As my friend, Nirali, sat down to share a meal with the residents of the shelter, she was taken back by the hostility of one of the women. Living on the streets can impact people in many ways. Sometimes it seems like a systematic break down of one own human-ness. I guess Nirali did the only thing she could, remain human. After a few moments, the woman actually thanked Nirali for what she was doing, and expressed that the world needed more people like Nirali out there. Maybe goodness exists in everyone, or maybe it was just the bread talking.

Sukh

Compassion Cell at Sunrise

It was the lady that wasn’t participating at all that made me realize how important this event truly was. We were busy preparing for this month’s Compassion Cell in our usual fashion: organizing last minute supplies, moving chairs around and making the necessary signs to direct people to our area. This month’s Compassion Cell brought Orange County volunteers to the Sunrise Senior Living Home to engage in true acts of selfless service. Our goal was to prepare valentine arts and crafts with the residents and give them our unconditional friendship for a few hours. In the end it wasn’t the activities at all, but rather this one elderly woman who taught me what friendship was all about.

We were moving chairs from the television room into the overcrowded banquet room to create more places to sit. We were walking briskly so that we could spend as much time as possible with the residents. As we walked past her I noticed her discontent with our actions. Fortunately she was not shy and she quickly expressed her unhappiness to both me and Amit. Amit and I took one look at one another and knew instantaneously that our Compassion Cell had begun. We set the chairs down and finally began to listen. She expressed how things change so quickly, without any warning and without any communication. No-one had taken the time to explain why we were there, or why the chairs were being moved. The moving of the chairs was just one more incident of unwanted change in her life. Staying in a ‘Senior Living Center’, we can only imagine the changes that she has had to deal with… the chairs were only a symbol of that very change.

She was intelligent, far more than what I had expected. She conversed fluently and matter-of-factly. She said that she would join us, only if she was inspired to do so. She spoke bitterly about recent incidents, and yet laughed at our comical jokes. In short, she was like many of my own friends.

Later on, when I finally saw her in the banquet room participating in the same arts and crafts as the others, she had a huge smile on her face. I could tell that we had somehow given her some sense of belonging and comfort during our brief stay. It was in that moment, that I too smiled.

In fact many of the residents seemed delighted during the activities and expressed a deep sense of gratitude for our stay. As we would thank them for the opportunity to come into their homes, they would in turn thank us for spending our time with them.

Along with making the valentines crafts for the residents, Alfred took photographs with a polaroid camera, and BTC volunteer Sonja rocked the house with some amazing opera singing. All of us were blown away by this young girl’s talent. After Sonja dropped her talent on the scene, Joshua, a slightly younger BTC volunteer rocked the audience on his clarinet.

As usual, after the Compassion Cell we all shared our experiences with one another. A new volunteer expressed that she had gained much more from the residents than she had given. As the saying goes, the more you give, the more you receive.

In the spirit of friendship,

Sukh