Blades of a fan

Posted on Posted in Life

I’ve done some shit in my life. Some good, some bad. Some people I may have helped, some people I’ve definitely hurt. Made some friends, some enemies. I’ve improved, deteriorated, loved, feared, laughed, danced, fought. Gave everything up for a while, took it all in later. Some people disappeared, others hung around. Some things I’m proud of, like that day when we all came together to rest under a blue canopy while rain fell all around us. I didn’t make it rain, but I did help put up the canopy, and we all came together as one.

Some things could have happened differently, maybe those that I cared about wouldn’t be so wounded now, but really, it couldn’t have happened any differently. I guess I was supposed to be exactly where I was every-time I was there, that means that if you participated you were supposed to be there too. I’ve been happy about it all, grateful for the opportunity to live a life that no-one else gets to live, and yet also grateful to look upon the same earth that everyone else gets to. I’ve been angry, but I’ve let it go. Found forgiveness in the realization that you were doing the only thing you could in that moment. I’ve been stuck, but moved on, let go. I’ve looked up at the stars and wondered what it all means, the stars they only shined back, giggling at my childish curiosity. I’ve been a child, and only acted grown-up on a few occasions.

Sometimes I sit watching the blades of the fan spin by wondering who will come into my life next and how they will change me.

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